Lesson #11: Let It Go
I've heard that phrase more than a few thousand times in my life. Not sure I've ever been able to successfully execute it, though. I know that we have this misguided misperception of actually having control over our lives, and aye, there's the rub. We are taught from an early age that if you do X, then Y will happen, and it all seems neat and symmetrical and fairly predictable. If you study hard, you will ace the test; if you practice, you will be a good musician; if you are nice to people you will be popular and have loads of friends. The problem with this dogmatic linear thinking is it sets you up for a lifetime of disappointment. It's more like if you are the best candidate you might not get the job; if you practice hard you might get laryngitis at the audition; if you are really, really nice to your boyfriend he will probably think you're a doormat and break up with you. At a certain age and after enough crushing letdowns, you then start to think that life is a series of random acts of cruelty, which only makes you more and more set on controlling your environment. Which only makes the very things you want less and less likely to happen. There is a sort of bell curve cause and effect relationship between the amount that you want something to happen and the likelihood that it will, vs the likelihood that it will implode in your face. You need a certain amount of drive, commitment, desire, passion to truly execute something. But the minute you start obsessing, assigning value beyond the base value, adding personal investment that is outside of the realm of reason, things will go wrong. Very wrong. And at some point someone who cares about you very much, someone well-meaning and not invested will say "just let it go" and you will scream "are you f:$&/@-;$)98/)(89!&:'ing KIDDING me?????" if only in your head. But you know they are right. Only it might take you a few years (decades) to figure that out.
I will say this: yoga helps. Alcohol helps (temporarily and in moderation). True friends help. Family, not so much. You need to come around to the conclusion willingly, independently, and in your own time. At least I did. Do. Did. Really trying to let go of a whole lot of very heavy things that I've been dragging around for the past few decades. Suddenly feeling a whole lot lighter.