Lesson #14: Wounds Vs. Scars

I am covered in scars. Four surgical procedures, one major, three minor (if you count being told at age 5 that you had a few months to live, followed by a misdiagnosis "minor" then, yeah). You can't see them for the most part, when I have clothes on. But come summertime or anything backless or low cut, and there they are. I know they're there, of course. Constant reminders of past pain. Healed over. Discolored patches of skin with diminished sensation, but very functional. Some might even say sexy. Then there are the emotional scars, which are a lot harder to see with the naked eye, but often easier to feel. Sometimes when you least expect them. What I'm realizing though is that I may have more wounds than scars at the moment. A wound is fresh, bleeding, aching; it happens suddenly or slowly, an accident, a burn, broken bone, a slipped knife. Or harsh words. Betrayal. Abandonment. Deception. Disillusionment. When those wounds occur as an adult, you are quick to recognize them, seek treatment, and bandage things up. Pop some painkillers, so to speak. When you're a child things are not so simple. The pain may not show up right away. It might get misdiagnosed. Overlooked. Hidden away and buried under layers and layers of protective skin and bones. Then it becomes something of a chronic, weeping sore that never heals. It doesn't scar neatly like the work of a plastic surgeon. The edges don't mesh up. It keeps re-opening. How then to move from wound to scar? 1) awareness and acknowledgement of what truly happened. 2) admission, apology and taking ownership. 3) understanding, forgiveness, healing. Scars are strong. Scars are a sign of recovery. Scars show that you made it there and back. Some you can see, and some you can't unless you look hard enough; but you learn to respect them all just the same.