Lesson #19: It's OK To Want (And Have) It All
For most of my life I've constantly been told that I will have to settle. I'm too picky. My standards are too high. I'll never get into Harvard/med school/insert anything awesome.
I've never really listened, but I have fallen victim to the superstition that too many good things mean something bad is going to happen. I can't possibly have a great job, impending promotion (fingers crossed), amazing boyfriend ( it's still too soon to predict the future), and so on and so forth. I'm always qualifying things with the Jewish caveat of "we'll see." I think my parenthetical naysaying has been meant to shield me from any possible disappointment, but what it ultimately ends up doing is robbing me of a few additional moments of prehappiness at best, and at worst becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The idea that you have to settle is also a dangerous one: it keeps you in mediocre careers and dead end relationships. It stops you from realizing your potential and actually having a shot at real happiness. Yes, I know that great is the enemy of the good and all that, and relationships take a hell of a lot of work and jobs are not always ideal at the outset. I think being open to experiences, neither idealizing nor vilifying opportunities, and allowing yourself to be truly excited about something without worrying that pride goeth before the fall is the key. It's hard to turn off those voices in your head, the ones saying "don't get too complacent, too smug, too happy" ; maybe if you forecast the bad, throw some salt over your shoulder and stay away from black cats, you can somehow protect yourself from all the curveballs that life throws in your path. All the mayhem will be kept at bay. It gives you the illusion of control. I'm going to have to take a step back and accept that life is pretty amazing. It hasnt always been and it surely will not always be, but for now it is glorious.