Lesson #3: Square Pegs Don't Fit In Round Holes
I had always known what I wanted to be when I grew up. How I "knew" this is not entirely clear to me, as 6-year-olds may not be the best judge of career compatibility.
Nevertheless, I carried on, doggedly pursuing my goal of "Doctor" a la Hawkeye Pierce.
Problem with Plan D was that I was a bit of a free spirit. After getting kicked out of three different nursery schools because I disagreed with various totalitarian concepts like 'nap' and 'toilet' time, my parents charted my career path as "juvenile delinquent" and "dropout."
My father came to the rescue and managed to find an extremely liberal Montessori meets Waldorf meets Fame type of school where I spent the next 12 years. Oh so happily, I might add. The problem was that now I was an artist, a creative, and even more of a free spirit than when I started. Which begs the nature- nurture question: my parents were both artists/creatives so really, the decks were stacked against me on both sides. So how did things go so awry? How did I end up so far down the wrong path?
The problem lay in my analytical, smart kid brain. Being good at school, at test taking, and the standard scholastic indicators of success can actually be a major liability: trust me.
"Really, you can do anything! Your scores are off the charts!" my guidance counselor cooed when I was hesitating about college applications and choosing a major. "Just stay away from the military and agriculture." Wow. Surprising insights.
Here is the problem: when you become good at taking tests, at achieving, that becomes a goal, a reward, in and of itself; it becomes more about what you are CAPABLE of doing that what makes you happy. In fact, that never entered into the equation. I just jumped through one hoop after another, like a trained pony, living for the applause.
It does all catch up with you, eventually. The discord between who you truly are and what you are doing with your life will at some indeterminate point become unbearable. If you're lucky, that happens early on; for most folks, it's after the first pre-med class they take ("are you kidding me?????? Who needs this shit!!!!!!"). However, there is an inversely proportional relationship between your academic ability and your lack of self awareness, multiplied with a determination factor. At least, that's how it went down for me.
Many miserable decades later, I finally got off of the golden treadmill, the endless pursuit of accolades and prestige just stopped keeping me warm at night and wore on my sanity.
You can't change who you are. But you sure as hell can try, especially if you have enough brains and drive. In addition to acamdemic parameters and inventories, there should really be more of an emphasis on personality testing. Which is controversial, especially for young, moldable, impressionable teenagers, but it's sorely needed. There is talk of instituting personality profiling for prospective med students, and while it smacks of 1984, I can't say I'm against it. Although I might have been able to outsmart the test, and even if I hadn't, would I have been ready to hear the results? Definitely not.
We should be teaching our kids to truly know who they are. I think Gen Y and the Millenials caught on to this theory just fine. It's we Gen Xers and those before us who struggled with what we SHOULD be rather than who we are.
It took me a while to catch up, but eventually I got out of personality remedial and into the mainstream. It could be worse. Some peope never do.